It was a long journey back home- 36 hours to be precise. After a rather unappetising meal served in the train, it was time for the afternoon nap-that little pleasure of long journeys. I settled into my upper berth with a novel that was putting me to sleep…as my eyes were about to shut, I heard some noises to the left of the berth. Unwilling to let my sleep pass away, I turned to the other side…hoping to shut out the noise.
It was around this point that I felt someone tap my feet. I opened my eyes to see a big group of hijras staring at me. I was seized with fear…not knowing quite why. I looked down from my berth, hoping to catch the reassuring sight of friends I was travelling with. But everyone looked just as panic stricken. While we were trying to grapple with how we should react to the situation, the leader of the gang began to open our bags. Someone opened my red bag-the one with all the goodies I had bought for friends and family. Someone else pulled out a perfume, sprayed herself (herself is perhaps the better word, since these were people who perceived themselves as women), and replaced the perfume back in the bag. By this time, I was trembling with fear. Someone was screaming….”who has change? Someone give some money.” I had my backpack nearby. Frantically, I pulled out my wallet and handed a Rs. 50 note to one of them. They showered a set of blessings at us (I can’t recollect a single word of what was said), and moved ahead. At the next berth, a man refused to pay at first. He was threatened with the possible sight of the women (again, I chose the gender, based on how I think these people perceived themselves), stripping. He quietly handed them a note after that. The gang moved ahead.
For several minutes after that, none of us spoke. And then, for hours….we discussed how we felt, and why. We spoke of why many of the “third sex” chose to lead the lives they led…. argued passionately about there being other means to make a living. The incident has stayed at the back of my mind….I still do not completely understand the fear we felt at that moment. Of course, there were the theoretical amongst us, who philosophized about whether the third sex, by their very existence, challenged our convenient notions of gender, and if this challenge was the real reason for the fear. The more pragmatic said it was the sudden intrusion of our space that caused the fear….and it would happen, no matter who invaded that space. It was perhaps both.
But one thing we all seemed to agree about- there were better ways to earn a living than threatening people. Of course there are. But we naively assumed that securing employment was just as simple for the third sex, as it was for us…men and women. It was much later, watching a movie made by some classmates, that I realised the naivety of that assumption.
As a friend who made the movie said, this is a sex which does not find a place anywhere. Let alone company pay rolls, they do not find a place on electoral rolls, ration cards, college application forms, or for that matter, even in the minds of people.
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